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Denise Van Outen - the Wrestler?

(Scene opens at a WWCW house show, we see two jobbers in the ring trying to impress someone, trying to get a job, ringside we have the usual Jerry Smithfield and Robert Goldbridge doing a little commentary)

JS: See that's where you are wrong!! I am not perverted!! You gotta stop calling me that on air!!

RG: Oh come on!! We both know... What the? Hey! What gives?

(All of a sudden, the lights go out)

"You all ready?"

JS: Oh no, here comes trouble!! Wilburman must be pissed about what Brad & Garth did!!

(Then the lights go back on and we see Wilburman & Denise Van Outen in the middle of the ring!!)

JS: AAARRGGHHHHH!!! NNAAKKEDDDDD!! WWOOOO!! YEAH!!

(The jobbers try to attack the Mean Champion of Justice, but a few DDTs and Chokeslams later, that minor problem was solved.)

RG: What is he doing now?!?!! He is setting up one guy in the corner and hooks his legs on the second rope!! Wait, he's walking away?!!

"AAARRGGHHHHHH!!!!"

JS: OH MY GOD!! DID YOU SEE THAT!!!

RG: Denise Van Outen just gave the poor jobber the Shattered Dreams!!!

(Wilburman signals for the mic)

W: Welcome to the Mean House of Justice! (crowd cheers) As you can see, the Mean Lady is a little bit pissed, but contrary to what you might think, it's not because of what Brad & Garth did, it's what Brad & Garth didn't DO!! (crowd goes nuts) Now Garth I can understand, after all, that virgin's only experience with sex is with a male plastic doll, but you Brad, I expected more from you, as a fellow man, I think I speak for everyone when I say that you BRING SHAME TO THE MALE POPULATION!!! (crowd cheers on) Kudos to you for kidnapping the Mean Lady, but you sad piece of bunny crap!! There you were with one gobsmackingly hot babe, you could have went to places where no other man on the face of this planet has been to, (change of tone) aside from yours truly (change back), and you just stood in front of her and **** yourself off!!?!? YOU!! ARE one sad sorry piece of bunny crap!! (crowd cheers on) You see, you got the Mean Lady excited when you tied her up in that "affectionate" position, but it is sad to hear that she was more looking forward to grapple Seth's plastic parts than you!! (Denise nods on wearing a wicked smile) Quite simply, you make me sick... (Wilburman pauses to look on to the crowd who are chanting "Wilburman! Wilburman!")

W: Let's change to topic for just a bit before I throw up!! Now, this Thursday, WWCW has matched the Mean One with the Conman, now, Victor, I hear you go round saying that the difference between you and I are the people?! (crowd roars on) And you say some crap about your new WWCW era? Well, the Wilburman says (crowd shouts) BULL-YOURS!! Wake up and smell the new era!! It's called WILBURMANIA aka MEAN JUSTICE LEAGUE!! You want the people to be on your side? Buddy, you gonna need to EARN the people's respect!! And it ain't something you can buy from the arena store for £9.99!! You think you can con people into giving you respect?!! EERRR wrong answer!! Consider your sorry arse charged by the Mean Court!! And the jury says your verdict is (crowd shouts) GUILTY!! Your sentence is excessive pain, and JUSTICE will be served... (crowd goes ballistic) And Topp Dogg, consider this a parting gift from me, cause after I'm done with him, he won't be bothering you in your title match... (Denise then whispered something to Wilburman's ear)

W: Oh yeah, now Brad, who I will never look to the same again, you think you impress the Mean One with your little kidnapping acts? Now like I always say, when Justice is served, PAYBACK will be mine... heeheehee

(Just then on the DizzyTron, pictures of Benny the Bulldog and Seth in rather uncompromising positions were shown)

RG: GOOD LORD!!! NO!!!

JS: ARGHH!! Benny's shoved up Seth's plastic arse!!

(As the crowd looks on in laughter and cheers echoed throughout the arena, Wilburman makes one final statement.)

W: NOW... HIT... MY... MMUUSSSIIICCCC!!!!

(As Something for the Pain is played, pictures of Benny's struggle to get out of Seth's behind were shown, camera fades to black.)