Back to WWCW RPs

Introducing the Mean Hotel

(Scene opens just outside a grand modern high class building. It is situated beside the most spectacular view in the form of a sun-filled beach, not to mention the few naked holiday goers. On the other side of this elegant building, one can see a busy city, a city full of life, a city whose skyline is that of modern high rise buildings, a city where the Mean Champion of Justice resides, a city known as Glasgow. The grand building that the WWCW camera crew are outside of is the Mean Hotel.

The camera crew, headed by the lovable pervert Jerry Smithfield, made their way into the lobby of the Hotel through a shiny reflective glass double door.)

Doorboy: Welcome to the Mean Hotel Glasgow branch!

(Once inside, the crew are simply taken aback by the brilliant space they are in. To the left is a grand staircase leading to the Mean Restaurant. To the right is the lifts that circulate the entire building. Straight ahead is the reception area, to which Jerry has approached.)

JS: Alright pal, quite a place you have 'ere...

Reception: Erm, can I help you sir?

JS: Yep, I am here to see your boss...

Reception: Do you have an appointment?

JS: WHAT DA FOOK ARE YOU TAKING BOUT?!! WE'RE FRO THE WWCW!!

Reception: Do you have an appointment?

JS: Just go tell your boss, the WWCW is here, or I'll break your arms and... AARRGHHHH!!!

(The Mean One himself is shown standing behind Jerry, twisting his arm behind his back, causing poor Jerry to scream like a little girl)

W: Yee threatening ma staff Jerry?

JS: No no no! I was just pulling his leg...

W: (releasing the arm) What to you want?

JS: An interview?

W: WHAT? You mean, you are actually working?

JS: Well, I did get a payrise you know...

W: (pauses for a wee while) You are here for the beach with them naked chicks aren't you?

JS: What the-- SSSSHHHHHHHHH!! For god sake man, do you have to blow me cover story damn it?!!

W: (smiles) Auch, come on then, I was actually gonna call Bruce Jones cause I happen to have something to say....

JS: Cheers man!!

(Wilburman then leads the camera crew to an empty private function room. The crew sets up the equipment as Wilburman arranges a few drinks. The crew finishes the setting up and they give the signal to Jerry and Wilburman, and they begin to tape...)

JS: Ladies and gentlemen, today I am here at the Mean Hotel, and I am here to chat to the WWCW Intercontinental Champ, the Mean Champion of Justice himself, the Wilburman! Wilburman, thanks for your time today...

W: You're welcome...

JS: So Wilburman, there are a few issues we could chat about today, for instance, your victory over Brad Britannia at Reincarnation, or your views on the new Pyro Maniacs, or howabout your first title defence? Or--

W: (Cutting Jerry off) That's quite a lot to cover ain't it Jerry, well, I'll start from the top... Brad, right after our match at the PPV, I actually had respect for you, you and I, undoubtedly, we put up a tremendous match, even though you lost to the Mean One again, you actually gained my respect, but then you threw it all away and turned your back on your fans, you joined Big Doyle Man's Pyros.

(Wilburman takes a sip of coffee)

W: Now, Brad, what can I say to you? Well, you've gone from a respected loser to plain simply loser. Brad Britainnia, I'll never look at you the same! So anytime you want to get your arse kicked, you know who I am, and I will NEVER get tired of kicking your arse! If you want to bring your new friends out to join the melee, I don't mind either, I'm sure the Unholy Alliance will only be too happy for you guys to give them a reason to knock yous silly. Sure, you may outnumber us, it don't matter one bit, it's not the first time I've been outnumbered, and sure as hell it won't be the last, but the bottom line is this... I am and forever will be the Mean Champion of Justice, so anytime you want a fight, just say it. NOW!! Speaking of saying it... The Big Doyle Man...

(Wilburman pauses for a while before refocusing back to the camera)

W: Big Doyle Man, you come back to the WWCW, you become a new man, heck, I see you've even worked out and practiced your mic skills, but just because you can cut a half decent non-copyrighted promo, that don't mean you can talk out your b*llocks!!

(Camera cuts to past Big Doyle Man promos:

"RS: you'll have your time Brad, Wilburman isn't half the man you are."

"BDM: They are nothing, Wilburman, who gives a damn if Brad gave him his title, he doesn't deserve to be in the same federation as the Pyro maniacs, we outclass him in every single way.")

W: Doyle, you talk as if you want a shot at the Mean One as well... Well, I'll say to you the same I said to Brad, you want it? Just say it. You remember that party you had with your GWA buddies? Do me a favor, go and ask Roddy Green what happened at Summer Sacrifice, I kicked your butt in all spectacular fashion at your own backyard, and by golly, I'll do it again!! It don't matter whether it's Wilburman verses Brad, or Wilburman verses Big Doyle Man, it don't matter if it's 4-on-3, or 2-on-1, the Wilburman is always ready to kick some arse!! You guys want a war? I'm more than willing to be victorious! It doesn't matter whether I have the backing of the Unholy Alliance, I am more than accustomed to taking on greater numbers!

JS: Wow, the lone hero walk... kinda lonely isn't it?

W: Lonely? Jerry, I'm married, if I'm lonely, I come home and have sex with my wife, that beats you and your mastering of things...

JS: (quickly changes the subject) ER, so tomorrow you'll be defending your IC belt against a new comer to WWCW called the Chairman, your views?

W: Well, the Chairman, a hardcore style wrestler, I just want to ask, how many more of these guys are we gonna see? I've said it once, I've probably said it a million times, and I'll say it again and again, hardcore has no place in wrestling, hardcore is something between one man and one woman, maybe with another woman, and behind closed doors. Chairman, when you step into the ring with the Mean One, it's gonna be a one on one wrestling match! You are not going to be able to prove how hard you can hit someone with the aid of a chair, you are going to have to wrestle. I sure hope you are trained. In the past week, I've heard nothing but moan and cry about how you want a match against someone from the top tier to prove your worth, and how you want this hardcore dream match of yours, well, I have answered your call my young friend, but I am the WWCW Intercontinental Champ, this is a wrestling strap, you want to prove your worth, you're gonna have to prove it with wrestling moves, any idiot can swing a chair, any blind idiot can swing a bat. But not everyone can slap on the Justice and make you scream like a little girl. Chairman, if you think you can take the IC belt away from me without fighting for your life, you got yourself another guess coming! There'll be no one for you to get help from, not your friend Saul Hudson, not your girl Missy. If Missy decides to show the WWCW fans her dogs, she can do that, but if she thinks this will have an effect on the Mean One, EEEEERRRRRRR WRONG ANSWER!

(Wilburman holds up his hand and point to a gold ring)

W: See this? (Big cheesy smile) I'm married... and if Saul Hudson thinks he can come down and make a difference, then you can all consider yourself served by the Mean Court of Justice! I will take him down just like I am going to do with you!! Beware of the Justice for Justice... is blind...

W: (stares into the camera) I'll catch yous all later...

(The camera crew finishes off. Wilburman then leaves to have lunch with his wife, and Jerry Smithfield, after thanking Wilburman for the interview, left and headed straight for the beach...

Scene fades to black.)