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Returning from Paris

(Scene opens in JFK airport, where we see the ever friendly Wilburman just arrived back from his short vacation in France, and as ever, that lovable pervert Jerry Smithfield is there for an interview)

JS: Hey Wilburman, welcome back!! How was your vacation?

W: Hey Jerry, it was good, it was a fun experience to say the least!!

JS: Really? What happened then?

W: Tell you what, let's go grab some coffee and we'll talk there.

(Jerry goes over to get some seats in the bar, as the Mean one picks up his lugagges)

JS: So what happened in France then? Any interesting tales to tell?

W: Well, in France they talk funny. Whenever I couldn't understand something I'd say "Je ne suis pas no Einstein"... (I'm no Einstein.) Between that, and knocking over some statue every time I parked the rent-a-car, French folks are very nice people!! I'm not kidding, you can't turn around in France without knocking over some historical
monument or another...

JS: REALLY? Sounds like you had a fun time then...

W: Anyway, no sooner had I gotten to Paris than everybody was talking funny, I stopped at the bookstore and picked up a phrase book. That was the trick... I looked up "Aloha vous nana super" (Aloha you fabulous babe,) and "Vous etes le roi" (You're the King.) This would be enough to get me by, I thought. I jumped in the rent-a-car and promptly backed into a statue of Louis the XIV. The thing tipped over and landed on the roof rack. No problemo Pierre... I'm headed to the Louvre, I'll drop it off there...

JS: You did what???

W: (Sigh) Humor Jerry, laugh, there are other things more interesting than porn shops you pervert...

JS: SSSssshhhhh, not so loud man, I have a reputation to keep up!!

W: Jerry, you are the best known pervert in the world of E-fed!!! What the hell you talking about!!

(Jerry is speechless)

W: Anyway, so at the Louvre museum, to speak French you have to skip the last syllable of most words; everyone jumped up flapping their arms and talking funny. Calmly I spoke up to the stuffiest of the bunch with my compliment, "Vous etes le roi!" He pointed to Louis XIV and shouted "Le Roi!" Hmm... so I pointed back to him and said "Okay, Vous etes Elvis." This seemed to work, although I'm not sure why...

(Jerry pauses for a moment and then proceeds to laugh hideously)

W: (With a puzzled and concerned look on his face) Yeah, so, they got the statue off the rent-a-car in about the time it took me to find the bathroom. It was a big place...

JS: So where did you go after France then?

W: I was headed for Switzerland, but was then informed half-way there in a service station that in Switzerland, it turns out, they talk funny in about four languages so I left immediately and drove to Italy... And talk about bad driving, yow! You'd think they kept grapes under the brake pedal.("Okay dear, I'll stomp these grapes on the way to work...") Italy tired me out, only one language but they wave their arms more than the
French. So I headed towards to England, where they don't talk funny...

JS: Ahhh, Brad Brittainnia land!!

W: Yep, after a lovely drive through Normandy, which is the part of France you're in when you make a wrong turn at Calais, I was at the entrance to the Channel Tunnel. There all my my Mean French speaking Wilburmanics waved madly in farewell as I departed...

JS: Wow, emtional bunch huh? So what happened when you arrived at your rival's homeland?

W: Well, they didn't talk funny for starters!! They did spoke in a funny accent though... when I arrived at Dover, I drove along the motorway, and my god, English folks drive really mad!! So I just headed up North to the friendly place called Scotland, the place was superb, scenery was absolutely positively gobsmackingly beautiful, people were so much nicer, even the accent, though sounded strangle and difficult to understand, sounded friendier than the English and the French!!

JS: Wow so you had quite a fun time then!! So what now with you back in the wicked and twisted minds of the Prez?

W: Well, to be honest, I haven't got a clue, I go away for a few days, we have a new heavyweight champ, we seem to have some sort of screw up with cards again, so I just wanna know, does the Mean Champion of Justice have a match tomorrow? Well, it doesn't really matter!! Big Doyle Man, you say you wanna kick my butt across the planet? Well, the Wilburman says BULL-YOURS!! IF we have a match tomorrow, you will be the one that gets a Mean arse kicking!! You wanna know why you ain't getting a title shot? Cause you are not good enough!! Tell me, who have you defeated recently? I rest my case, so if we are to face each other tomorrow, you better bring your Pantomime friends along, cause JUSTICE will be served on you... NOW!!

(Wilburman pauses and takes a sip of his coffee)

W: YUCK!! That is the only thing I miss about France, the coffee... anyway, as for the 4 corners match in the next PPV, it kinda goes a little like this, the limberjacks surround the ring, and the 4 of us enter the ring, and then Semtex will be first eliminated by me, and he can then go and tell stories about how he nearly got killed by the Mean One, and then C4 will be eliminated by me, and C4, I hear you mumble some crap about not wanting to be in Russia or trying to teach me some geography, well teach this you piece of bunny crap (Wilburman holds his middle finger up to the camera), it don't matter where you are, whether you are in Moscow, Paris, Milan, Sydney, Bejing, Cape Town, Vienna or Mars, I will give you the an inter-galatic arse kicking of a life time and kick you all the way up URANUS!!! I don't just do Europe you know... NOW!!! That would leave my good buddy Brad, but Brad, you are no different from any of the others, I kick Semtex's butt, I kick C4's butt, and by golly, I will kick your butt up and down the arena all night long too!! Just know this boys, when you find yourself lying half dead in the arena floor facing the lights and you can't feel your butt, you'll know that Justice has just been served... Consider yourselves all charged by the Mean court of Justice!! Catch you later...

(Wilburman finishes his coffee and exits the airport as Jerry is eyeing up a few foreign tourists)